In which I am invited to not one, but two parties....

Great Excitement at the hovel. Apparently, every year there is a party for those of us foolish to live in the middle of the forest and around a reservoir. This is held in the local village, in the glamorous venue of the education centre. Cue fluorescent lighting, strange acoustics and no heating..... This will be a first for me. Last year, having only lived here a measly 8 months, I was not eligble for an invitation, but this year I have made the list.

I feel touched to have been included, and faintly horrified on the basis that it might be one of those hideous sorts of parties where everyone mills about not being quite sure who to talk to and wondering if they dare risk eating the stale egg and cress sandwich curling up in the corner next to the sausage roll which has never seen a sausage in it's life.

However, I am very conscious of the fact that if you snub these things you in turn will be snubbed for ever, so I am going. Next question. What to wear?

I mean, my clothing of choice usually involves multiple jumpers and jeans but I know how the Welsh love to dress up. What if I turn up in jeans and they are offended that I haven't made any effort. Equally if I dust off the tiara and they are all wearing jeans I shall look like a complete idiot. It's a dilemma. I am thinking tiara with jeans might be the way forward. Any thoughts out there?

Also, do I take wine or mince pies or something? What is the etiquette on these things???

That is not my only clothing dilemma for the week. I have been asked to a party on Saturday night and the dress code is 'the twelve days of christmas'. Having checked the verses of this particular carol I see that there is a 50% chance that I shall have to go dressed as some kind of bird, there is the option of being a pear tree I suppose, or 5 gold rings. I can't go as one of the 'Ladies Dancing' as I have two left feet, no coordination and people will just think I am having an epileptic fit. Neither do I long to go as a milk maid but unless I am missing something my options are limited.

As some of you may know, I loathe and detest costume parties. I always, always get them wrong and make either too much effort or not enough. I need help. Step by step instructions on how to make a costume using nothing but what might be found around the house would be a good start. Anybody have any ideas????