Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Oh God. It's dating season again.

It's that time of year again, when I launch myself on the stormy waters of the dating world. This year I have chosen a new dating site. This one organises singles 'parties' and outings. It's a good idea. I'm going to skip the whole online chat bit and go straight to the source and actually meet people. Hopefully this will get around the whole issue of thinking that I have met someone nice and normal and sane online only to discover that they are not what they pretended to be when we finally meet.

You see, I have decided that the whole internet dating thing does not work. The problem is that people lie so much. They seem perfectly nice online and then when you meet them they are, in my experience, loons. Men who live with their mothers (there have been two of them), men who ask me my marriage plans the first time they meet me, men who can't speak to a woman when they actually meet her. You get the gist of it. It has not been a good experience.

Honestly, I was thinking I wouldn't bother but the other day someone asked when I last kissed anyone and I was ashamed to realise that it was a figure that ended with the word 'years'. This seems like some horrible kind of failure on my part. I mean who, other than career nuns, goes years without kissing anyone (or any of the things that follow kissing for that matter)? I don't miss it particularly but I feel I should try to do something about it. So, here I am, trying.

The big party is on Friday night of this week. It is in a pub some twenty miles away and the idea is that there will be about forty people - even boys and girls - and we have supper and get to meet each other in relaxed circumstances.

I don't feel particularly relaxed about it. I feel like bottling the whole thing and not going. I've paid for my ticket though and I don't have enough money to just throw it away on dinners that I don't go to.

A friend has told me to wear a push up bra, a low cut top, and just go for it. Easier said than done. I want to go and hide in a corner. I can't imagine who else will be there but I won't be surprised if it isn't a lot of men whose favourite reading material is Farmers Weekly and a lot of girls whose make up and hair products will weigh more than the clothes they are wearing. I can't compete with that. I'm not going to miraculously lose a stone by Friday, and I'm not sure I will have time to buy a push up bra by then either.

My life at the moment seems to consist of being in the car for hours on end and packing and unpacking suitcases. I have not had two consecutive days at home for a while now and until next week there is little prospect of that changing. This weekend is the latest nephew's christening. This means that I have Chutney Mary and her children coming to stay with me. As an unofficial OCD sufferer she has already rung me three times to discuss arrangements for this state visit. Naturally, I have done nothing about it at all and will be rushing around in a panic on Friday trying to get ready for their arrival. This leaves even less time for the installation of the push up bra and locating my hairbrush and makeup.

Wish me luck. It's going to be a rough weekend. If I survive the date night, I still have to make it through the Christening weekend and the state visit.


Nigel said...

I wish you all the best, but I hate the whole dating thing, particularly on-line. I'm glad I have a partner these days; if I wasn't with him, I'd not worry about dating - I'd just enjoy the single life, as miserable as it can be, but as glorious as well.

Anonymous said...

Good luck. I'll be rooting for you - and longing to hear all about it! My love life is equally hopeless these days....!

notSupermum said...

Oh good luck, let me know how you get on! That sounds much better than dating sites, if it goes well I might need the name of the organiser

Oh, and btw, I bet you £100 I can trump you in the 'how long is it since you have kissed anyone' competition. ;-)

screamish said...

Yeah your friend's right, just go for it! And who knows, maybe Farmers Weekly blokes could be nice...I used to have fantasies about getting together with a nice farmer...then I had a date with a guy I met ont he internet, he seemed perfect, a rugged horse shoer blacksmith in the modern world, but in the end I think he was just disappointed I wasnt blond and didnt wear high heels all the usual stuff. I think the internet gives people the impression they're shopping...had he and I met in the real world naturally at a party or something he wouldn't have been so greedy, you know? And me too...chatting with im had given me too much space to spin fantasies about him that wouldnt have existed if we'd already met a few times at the shops and gone for coffee or something.

justmeagain said...

Good luck! At worst, you will have an interesting story for us.

katyboo1 said...

If you get really desperate, put some ground up rohypnol in Chutney Mary's tea and send her in your place. Job's a good un.

bevchen said...

Good luck! At least at a party there's ll be lots of people to talk to, not just one wierdo...

Home Office Mum said...

Really looking forward to hearing how it goes. I hope that you stumble across a lovely chap who is utterly normal (rather than the blogging delights we have heard about to date). Be yourself and I'm sure that if the lovely normal chap is there, he will find you.

elizabethm said...

Oh good luck! (whoops, typed god luck there, hope you don't need that). Let's hope the food is nice if nothing else. I'd just take your smile and do without the push up bra!

Rob-bear said...

Sorry about the dating thing being such a catastrophe. If all else fails, could you send Loyal Hound with your ticket? I'm sure Hound would have a grand time and get lots of attention. Even sitting in a corner.

Mr Farty said...

Don't worry about the dating part, just enjoy yourself.

But do blog about how it went!

franzi said...

i'm with you on the online dating. it's just a bunch of lies and deceit.

that single party sounds like fun. make the best of it and enjoy the evening! you don't need a push up bra to shine your light!!! (says me who only owns push ups except for sports bras...but i surely mean it)

Anonymous said...

Oh, HOW have I not discovered you and your fabulous blog before?! An idle click over from Katyboo is amply rewarded! Forgive my forwardness, but I think I adore you. I see my laptop + comfy bed + your archives in my future!

notSupermum said...

How did it go? Just wondering if you are still in bed trying to pretend it didn't happen while sobbing into a hankie, or if you're floating on air after meeting The One.

Welsh Girl said...

Nigel - thank you for that. After the debacle of Friday I am seizing singledom for ever more!
Mud - No love life is better than Friday night. Posting all about it after this...
Not Supermum - Ok - that is a bet I may have to take you up on. I could do with a hundred pounds to spend on consoling chocolate and a gigolo.
Screamish - So true about the shopping comment - it sums the whole thing up perfectly.
Just me - hello. Haven't seen or heard from you for eons. There is definitely a tale of woe for this one. coming a screen near you soon.
Katyboo - Darn. Am totally out of Rohypnol. You never have any when you need it.
Bevchen - hmm. Lots of wierdos to talk to rather than one. Not such an improvement.
Home Office Mum - I think he was at another party entirely.
Elizabeth - I needed God Luck as well. Will I sound ungrateful if I say the food was DISGUSTING as well?
Rob-Bear - Loyal Hound might have enjoyed it, though even he would have turned his nose up at the food.
Mr Farty - Thanks and I will!
Franzi - It did sound like fun, which goes to show you should NEVER believe the publicity posters.
HairyFarmerFamily - Now that is just the nicest thing to hear. Hope the archives have lived up to expectations and that you come back soon.
Not Supermum - hang on a second - I'm getting there. All will be revealed.

Rob-bear said...

Oh dear! Things must have been really bad if Hound would have turned up his nose at the food. Most dogs I know will eat almost anything!

Condolences. On the food, and whatever else there was (or wasn't).

Dazedlittlemiss said...

Just wanted to say I love your blog, been reading it for a while now. That Farmer's Weekly remark made me chuckle :-) The idea of not kissing someone in years makes me shudder, I'm currently counting months and if it gets to the one year mark, I'm going to panic.

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