Thursday, 4 June 2009

Oh God No. Not Big Bloody Brother again....

If I had a list of Bete Noirs, the top five things on it would be stupid Big Brother. I hate it with a passion. All those people with no merit whatsoever and an insane desire to be famous. Famous for what? For their erudite interpretaion of Thomas Hardy's bucolic novels? For their ability to knit faster than the speed or sound? For blindfolded wedding cake icing? Singing like Susan Boyle? Composing verse in Iambic Pentameter and knowing who Milton is? NO. Instead they seek fame for snogging someone of their own sex in the hot tub or smothering themselves in spaghetti and then rolling in lawn clippings or whatever it is they do that generates headlines for weeks and weeks of the summer.

The initial idea of Big Brother was interesting. How would 20 odd people get on if locked in a house together for what seems like a lifetime? The actual reality is not remotely interesting. It is an excuse for silly vain people to leap up and down and say 'love me, love me, vote for me I'm meritless but here'. No thank you.

I have a cunning plan for a highly entertaining Big Brother series. The contestants would enter the house in top secrecy and live out their pathetic lives for the cameras etc WHICH WOULD NEVER BE TURNED ON. At the end of each week one contestant would be 'voted off' by the producer, and on exiting and expecting the media and country's eyes to be on them would be greeted by a psychiatrist with a lone camera who would interview them to find out how they felt about the fact that all their scrambling for attention in the house had been for nothing. Now that is an interview I would watch.

I don't understand what grips everyone about this series. The contestants never ever talk about anything except themselves and each other. I'm not even sure if they can read. After all, you never see them with a book, or hear them discussing politics or plays or the world outside their tiny, pea like brains. There are so many things they could do while in the house.

They could make them all read a classic novel and then have a debate about it. They could make them all learn yoga, tai chi and knitting. They could teach them to speak another language, to grow their own food, oh a million things. Instead they treat them like spoilt ten year olds, incapable of doing anything other than bickering, crying and doodling. It's patronising in the extreme and the tragedy is that the thousands of wannabe entrants all think it looks like heaven. I would say it is more like hell on television.

10 comments:

cynicalscribble said...

Agree with all your points.
It's television for brain dead people, although I thought the first series was genuinely good.
They should've killed it off then.

I'm just glad I don't buy any newspapers which will be filled with big brother nonsense for the whole summer.

I like you're cunning plan though, get it commissioned!

Mrs Trefusis... said...

Oh, you are so very right. I loathe big brother. Television at its worst. I'm not even sure it's humane (for participant and viewer alike). & I deplore the meta-media too: all those newspapers filled with drivel about the contestants. Aaarrggh.

bevchen said...

Couldn't agree more. The first series was ok just for novelty value but after that... aargh! I'm so glad the Germans don't seem to be as obsessed by it - there was a German big brother but I'm not even sure it lasted beyond series 1. Instead everyone here is obsessed with Germany's Next Top Model which to be honest is almost as bad!

Home Office Mum said...

I think I've seen half an episode once and turned it off, never to venture there again. I hate it - not because I've watched it - but because the whole country seems to become obsessed with it. And as you say: Why? I Think your version would be infinitely better

katyboo1 said...

I have never been able to sit through more than five minutes of it, ever. I hate it. I hate everything about it and think it is utterly loathesome and puerile in the extreme. I love your idea way more. Let's do it.

Francesca said...

Could not agree MORE.

Welsh Girl said...

Cynical Scribble - I'm working on it!
Mrs Trefusis - It's not humane at all, though it is definitely more cruel to the viewers than those who voluntarily participated - they were just asking for it! I wish all the editors of magazines and papers would have a moratorium on even mentioning it. That would kill the whole thing off faster than a fumigator in a rats nest.

Bevchen - Germany's Next Top Model? Really? Well, I suppose everyone likes to watch the beautiful people being neurotic and proving their own stupidity. That at least makes us lesser mortals feel better about ourselves...
Home Office Mum - my version would be GRIPPING television! Why am I not a famous and very rich producer?
Katyboo - I wonder if it is possible to be allergic to Big Brother and get calming medicines to stop the instant reaction caused by just seeing that stupid graphic eye?
Francesca - we are bonded in our hatred. I suggest a march on Channel Four complaining of cruelty to viewers.....

Milla said...

absolutely! so right. Haven't seen a whisper of it this year and long may my resolve not to go onto C4 last!

The Singlutionary said...

Are you refering to the American Big Brother or do yall have your own version?

Regardless. I will make the following point:

Have you ever been to Hollywood where all the TV execs live? The majority of the culture there (and I am from California so I get to say this) is a self involved individual seeking fame and fainting over each of their lovely farts. The concept of human value in that part of the world is so twisted that people think that the more attention they have in the media, the better and more valid and more real a person they are. People are so desperate for attention because they are taught by everything around them that the only thing which makes them useful and good is their looks, their net worth and the fancy car they drive.

There are normal people in LA too, working hard but the prevalent religion is one of image and youth. These are the people who come up with our programing.

And that explains just about everything.

Welsh Girl said...

Milla - I too have totally avoided it so far, though rather like the flu, I think it will only get worse before it gets better. It goes on for SO long.
Singlutionary - I am ashamed to admit this but I think Big Brother is a British invention that we shipped out to unsuspecting nations such as yours. I'm so sorry and apologise profusely.

I've never been to Hollywood and confess I have NO desire to go there, ever. I enjoy my food too much, care too little about my clothes, hair, manicure (whatever that is) and whether anyone knows who I am. In fact I can't think of anything worse than going there. I'm glad you escaped with your life intact!

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