So, the date is planned. Friday at 12pm at a busy pub that is run by friends of mine. Worth having the amused and curious glances of friends as a small price to pay for not being hacked to pieces with an axe by a deranged fruitloop.
I confess that I am feeling more and more dubious about Hospitality Man's sanity. In the last 24 hours he has become increasingly keen. He has sent me a song (I'm just waiting for the mixtape to arrive) and many, many e mails and skype messages. He is so keen that is putting me off.
That is so typical isn't it. If they are too keen, I run away. If they aren't keen enough I think they aren't interested and, run away. But Hospitality Man really is keen. He e mailed me at THREE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING. I shall give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he was working some strange night shift. If he wasn't then I really have picked up a deranged stalker man haven't I?
I thought I might as well meet him. He is going to be in North Wales and has agreed to come slightly closer to me. Considering he has no car so will have to try and use the convoluted and erratic public transport system this is brave of him. My thinking was that if I meet him now then we will find out quickly whether he is a fruitloop, or a sane and wildly attractive man who seems to think I am marvellous. The latter does not come about that often. Well, ever actually.
Precautions will be taken though. I shall notify some particularly sane friends of mine with all the details and line them up to ring me (I wonder if there is a phone signal there?). We are to meet in the middle of the day which is not really a time that I associate with stalkers and murderers so that is a good thing.
The downside of meeting him so soon is that I have not had time to lose the 10lbs (ok, should be 20) that I would like, find clothes to wear, and generally make myself look presentable. Everyone else that I have met has never come back after the first meeting so, assuming he is a nice and normal man, then I should make an effort. Instead I am in a dishevelled state of disrepair that is not fixable in two days. He might run a mile at the site of me (if I haven't run already).
I think this is the moment to point out that I HATE dating. Really hate it. I hate the worrying. Will he like me? Will I like him? What will we talk about? etc etc. I wish that there were more bachelors around here who you just got to know gradually in the pub etc and then things could unfold at a more relaxed pace. Instead I have to go down this crazed strangers route, which is fraught with angst and seasoned with the raising and crushing of hope. Yup. I hate dating. Maybe that is one of the reasons that I am single?
So, any advice on first dates - whether it be what to wear, what to talk about etc etc, it would be VERY welcome. I am a complete novice at this and on the slim (and getting slimmer by the e mail) chance that Hospitality man is actually normal then I would like to avoid messing it up myself and you could help with that.....
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I used to get emails from the New Husband at all hours - he is just an internet junkie! He still sends me emails at 3am (is this good for a couple married for only 8 months, I ask myself!).
Have you talked to him on the phone? Does he have same interests as you? I'm sure you will find things to chat about - I mean when you go to supper with friends there are invariably people there you don't know and one always finds something to chat about, even if it's all desperately dull, it's only for a couple of hours!
Before going to meet NH, my son in his slouchy adolescent way said 'Mum, he might be a serial killer' ... good for Mum's confidence! Almost chickened out on the plane to Barcelona and wondered whether I could sneak from Arrivals round to Departures and catch the first plane back to Geneva!
And then I thought that even if it's not love at first sight, we are two grown up people and are capable of spending three days in Barcelona, together or seperately!
I left my house looking good - when I parked the car at Geneva Airport I had to walk about 2 miles in driving rain to get to Departures - I turned up in Barcelona with a crumpled suit and wild, wild hair! He loved it!!
Atlanta, Georgia wishes you Luck!
Can't go wrong with a middle of the day meeting.......
Afraid I don't have any tips. Jan and I never really dated - I just got drunk one night and kissed him.
Good luck!
Dragondays - ok, so there is hope out there for both of us! Here's hoping he is one of the good ones.
Good to be a Queen - Thank You!
Bevchen - aaaah, romance isn't dead then.
Many moons ago I agreed to go on a date with a man I had briefly met, and his behaviour was similar to what you are describing. One night I came home from a night out and the phone was ringing, it was him and he demanded to know where I had been 'til this hour' and who I had been with!! And this was before our date which was quickly cancelled. No, no, no...I hate being suffocated by attention - just stand back and admire from there please.
You probably didn't want to know that did you? Hope he turns out to be normal at least.
Ok, so how is this for a backwards approach. I go into every date pretty much assuming that I will never hear from the gent again after this meeting. Sad I know, but it has allowed me to fully be myself. I am who I am, and since I figure he is not going to call back I just go with it. I figure if he does call back, then he really is interested.
I know! You are shocked I am still single. Me too! LOL!! Best of luck.
I'm praying for normal and not crazy as in has already amassed photos of you as a wall shrine without you knowing crazy.Keep to general stuff that hasn't already been covered by emails. If he stiffs you for lunch because he's had to pay to get there RUN. Manners are very important. AND, no matter how perfect he is do not invite him back home that night because he may still be a creeper. The only way I will allow you to do this is if he is Clive Owen in disguise as a hospitality man. In that case, I will be flying over to supervise your dates. lol
I'm feeling he is a nutter - normal men worry about seeming too keen just like women do.
However dragondays seems to have a had a different experience so what do I know?
Can you talk to him on the phone first? Preferably withholding your number.
I really really want him to be one of the nice ones!
oh god, its so hard isnt it?
ok so yes he might be a loony.
on the other hand, men are human too and get their hopes up like we do. maybe he's feeling desperate and is pinning all his hopes on you now he's found you...
it is hard tho, wehn you're in a place with not much talent around, how do you meet people???
i have a friend who tried internet dating for a year and finally fell madly in love with a guy she met at her pottery class round the corner....i guess the cosmos had been picking up her vibes...
by the way i completely agree with Cathy (comments up above). Don't let him get too close too soon..;take your time...you're worth it, girl!
Cathy gives good advice. I know it is a cliche, but try to be yourself, if he doesn't like that, he isn't worth it. He is sounding slightly fruitlooy-ish - but then again, he might be just delightfully eccentric and fun - I'll cross my fingers for you!
(P.S. I also hate dating and also am single. A pattern??)
Sorry. Absolutely crap at dating advice. I did it all back to front and arse about face myself, with mixed results, although I'm most contented now. Entirely by accident.
Oh, meet him. Take some deodorant and squirt him in the eye if he turns out to be a bit loopy. Then write a book about it and hire a toy boy.
Not Supermum - if he turns out to be like that then I'm off!
Rebekah - I worry as much about how to do the 'letting them down gently' thing as anything else. Ridiculous I know. Who am I to be so picky? Oh, that's right, single and surviving.... We should set up a club!
Cathy - Normal would be nice, but with my track record, wildly improbable. If he is Clive Owen, he's mine! all mine...
Elizabeth M - I have decided not to do the phone thing, despite him asking, in case it gives me cold feet! I figure we are meeting up anyway, so why bother ringing first? I am, as you may gather, a dive in at the deep end kind of girl. Very bad at the toe dipping in the water thing.
Screamish - I'm looking up pottery classes as we speak...
Mud - Thanks for the crossed fingers. Wish somebody would tell me what type of thing to wear! Skirt or trousers? Heels or what? Aaargh.
Katyboo - Hmm, do I detect a sign of impatience there??? Sorry - I'll stop faffing, arm myself with spray cans and get on with it! I wonder if Clive Owen is available for hire?
It's now late Friday afternoon here in rainy Belgium - we want the news!
My dating advice: don't do it.
Even if he is not a dud, negotiating a relationship with a carless lad who lives far away is not my idea of romance.
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