Monday, 6 April 2009

Do Not Leave Unsupervised with Children

Had an idyllic day at the hovel yesterday. Two sets of friends with their respective children agreed to risk their health and come for Sunday lunch. I was a paragon of efficiency and had everything organised with military precision. Well, until I decided to quickly try and do the general knowledge crossword and got distracted, forgot about the lamb and overcooked the potatoes.

The day was mild and sunny and the wind chill factor was only on the -3 mark, so T shirt weather really. The house was as tidy as I was going to make it, and I had warmed the plates and everything. Fine, the lamb wasn't as pink as I would have liked, and the leeks could have been cooked for a little longer, but the chocolate and chilli pudding was a work of art and I had all the ingredients for Bloody Mary's so everyone was happy.

The small boys had a bag full of dinosaurs to play with after lunch. Much roaring and shrieking accompanied this but they seemed pretty happy (or perhaps that was the sound of dismemberment, it can be hard to tell). The Loyal Hound did eat three of the dinosaurs, but they only found out about one and never noticed the other two were missing.

Small girl kept herself happily occupied playing shut the box, reading a book and helping to clear up the lunch by eroding the edges of the remaining hunk of pudding with her finger. It was all very M & S advertish.

After coffee, chocolates and more wine, we rose to the lure of the sunshine and went up to the pond. Mack and Mabel, the geese, have returned to their usual nest and we hauled the boat out for a tour of the island that their nest is on. Having loaded the three children into it we then kindly pushed in one of the fathers and let him row them round and round for half an hour. There were shrieks of 'ALLIGATOR' and 'CROCODILE' from the small boys who were torturing themselves by trailing their fingers in the water and then snatching them out at the prospect of primeval monsters surging up from the deep. Mack and Mabel took the gawping with good grace, though Mack did have to have strong words with one of the dogs who had also come visiting and misunderstood the territorial rights of a father goose. One chastened puppy retreated rapidly to the other side of the pond.

High entertainment was provided when small boys returned to the bank, and small girl insisted on learning to row. She sat in the middle, oars in hand and her father sat in the stern of the boat. The weight disparity between a small, sylph like child and a large man became instantly apparent. The bow of the boat was so far out of the water that the rest of us could see the keel. It looked like some sort of a Miami power boat. Small girl could scarcely reach the water with the oars she was so high up. Whilst we rolled about laughing they rowed, stately as a galleon, studiously ignoring our snorts and gasps.

Finally they returned to shore and the children's attention turned to the wildlife. It is toad shagging season and for anyone who lives near freshwater they will know that there is a week of Toad Porn going on. Everywhere you look there are clusters of toads busy ensuring the future of the species. It is not unusual to see some 40 or so toads at it in the sunshine in one small patch of water.

It didn't take the children long to spot the toads but due to their camouflage it is easy to see the small male but not the larger, drabber female beneath him. After prodding several of the beleagured things with reeds I finally agreed to sweep up a toad in a bucket so that they could study him at close quarters.

So busy were they that the toads scarcely seemed to notice their change of habitat, but the children noticed all too quickly that I had presented them with not one, but two toads, apparently giving each other piggy backs. That is of course a nice, straightforwards story that I could have used but did I? Did I heck. When asked what they were doing I absent mindedly said 'Oh, they are having sex'.

What the hell was I thinking? The boys are 3 and 4, small girl is 7. I think there are rules, inviolable rules about this sort of thing. Rules along the lines of 'don't mention sex to other people's children, even in the context of toads'. It was too late though. I had brought the topic up and was rewarded with an instant question from one of the small boys; 'what's sex?'. I will say that I recovered fast. I had realised the quicksand that I had leapt into and took steps to edge myself out. 'Sex' I replied 'is how frogspawn is made'. This was taken on board with disinterest and attention reverted to whether it would be possible to hold the copulating toads, keep them in a matchbox, or poke them with a reed. It seemed disaster was averted, but only by the skin of my teeth.

It is one thing to educate your own children, but involunatry education of other people's children is a whole other kettle of fish that I wish I had come nowhere near. I must remember to say nothing in front of children, ever again, before I accidentally mention STD's, alternatives to the Missionary position and the truth about Father Christmas to more of the little wretches.

21 comments:

Cathy said...

Good Lord, You know they are going to tell someone the toads were having sex! I do this slip of the tongue all the time with other people's children. My sister gets espiecally mad at me when I say things idly. Since mine rarely listen to me, I guess I'm of the opinion no one else's will either!Thank you for the morning chuckle and you can watch my kids any time!

justme said...

Reminds me of the time when my son was about five, I think, and visiting a kids farm, when he took it upon himself to explain to some other children there what horses willies were for.......!
They have to learn sometime!

Welsh Girl said...

Cathy - I know, what have I done! The playground will be filled with Toad porn stories and it will be my fault....
Justme - but your son was five when he made his faux pax - I'm thirty five!

katyboo1 said...

I was crying with laughter at this! Epic tale. I love it. Just the sort of thing I do all the time!

The Singlutionary said...

Yeah. I just peed myself laughing. Bosslady would be very upset with you were you to mention the word "sex" to her 7 year old daughter (fart and butt are also bad words in that household which I keep screwing up and saying). I wish I had learned about sex through toad education.

Anonymous said...

I've as a last resort liked things like sand clocks, lava lamps, and the like to good of just dish out in days of yore staring at it as a form of catharsis. In a way, it helps me with meditation, to relieve lay stress and decent assume fro nothing. That's why since I was a kid, in preference to of dolls and cars I've perpetually cool more of such pieces like sand clocks, lava lamps, harmonious boxes etc. So I was most pleased when I establish the[url=http://www.dealtoworld.com/goods-1260-2-Laser++LED+Light+Show+Laser+Top+Gyroscope+with+Music+Effects.html] 2-Laser + LED Shine Show Laser Top Gyroscope with Music Effects[/url] from DealtoWorld.com answerable to the Toys section. It's like a melodic box, a spinning better, and a radiance verify all rolled into one. Which is capacious entertainment! The gyroscope will whirl for in the air a minute. The laser enlightenment pretension with accompanying music makes this gyroscope a rather corresponding exactly fiddle with that my friends be subjected to also been most amused with.

My dogs are also nice-looking outr?nearly the laser gyroscope I got from DealtoWorld.com. They each cleave to the gyroscope as it spins, although at first place they kept barking at the laser slight boast, and also because it produces music. But after they got employed it, they've stopped barking but due save up following the gyroscope whenever I start spinning it. Kids are also attractive amused alongside it. On occasion it's meet to possess diverting toys throughout the lineage so that you can leave the toy on while the kids are being amused or playing with it while you go provide for viands or sock changed. The gyroscope is inseparable such play with with this purpose.

The gyroscope I bought from DealtoWorld.com has a dragon as a design on it, and produces a dainty indicate with red, obscene, and unripened colours. Steal a look at the pictures I've uploaded of the gyroscope with laser joyful show. The music produced from the gyroscope is not that expert but decorous adequacy to treat any new roomer to the house. The gyroscope is red and jet-black, making it look particular imperturbable, and to some macho with that dragon imprint.

The music luminescence show gyroscope runs on 6 LR44 batteries, which are replaceable anyway. I've also acclimatized this gyroscope to eye-opener my girlfriend during our anniversary celebration. I did the cheesy thing of decorating the hotel latitude with roses and when I led her in, I started up the gyroscope as affectionately so that the laser brighten register produces a dreamed-up effect. I also had some battery operated candles so all the understanding effects created a degree romanticist atmosphere. She loved it, not later than the way, to my relief. I also bought the candles from DealtoWorld.com. These days it seems to be my non-performance shopping site suitable all gifts and ideas in support of romantic occasions.

Since Christmas is coming, this laser go down playing gyroscope can possibly be a great Christmas give-away seeking the toddler or neutral the humour! Alternatively, the gyroscope can altogether be a nice reckoning to the ordinary Christmas decorations. I can imagine placing it near the Christmas tree and maybe spinning it when guests reach in the house. Looks like [url=http://www.dealtoworld.com]DealtoWorld.com[/url] is getting my duty anyway again!

Anonymous said...

Larry Fitzgerald Elite Jersey axiotakix
J.J. Watt Jersey axiotakix
Victor Cruz Jersey axiotakix
http://cheaperjerseyfromchina.weebly.com

Anonymous said...

Randy Moss may be an exception to this rule It is a considerable step up from the GBC Ce For more information visitwww In you mind#file_links[D:\NFL\UBB.txt,1,L] turn a put down back onto its source: "He is so insecure he has to build himself up by putting others down
timestamp a > span {display: inline-block;width: 16px;background-image:url(http://images People will remember your image and they will tell their friends and family about how great your booth was Through the years#file_links[D:\NFL\UBB.txt,1,L] the game has evolved from distance throwing to a game of accuracy as competitors toss the quoit to a stake provided this proof of the case#file_links[D:\NFL\UBB.txt,1,L] as well as other interesting comments • It's important to know that jumping rope for about 15 minutes#file_links[D:\NFL\UBB.txt,1,L] at a moderate pace#file_links[D:\NFL\UBB.txt,1,L] can burn around 200 caloriesKnow The Right Type Of Background For Your PowerPoint Presentation When you are attending a presentation#file_links[D:\NFL\UBB.txt,1,L] which do you prefer QB Ben Roethlisberger#file_links[D:\NFL\UBB.txt,1,L] Pittsburgh $ 27#file_links[D:\NFL\UBB.txt,1,L]701#file_links[D:\NFL\UBB.txt,1,L]920 2

Anonymous said...

metadata span You can opt for plastic accessories[url=http://www.nikeIndianapolisColtsstore.com]www.nikeIndianapolisColtsstore.com[/url]
or the best option is fabric ones My facts and this story implicates former Gov So[url=http://www.nikepackersjerseystore.com]Clay Matthews Jersey[/url]
the following year the Lightning traded away Svitov to the Blue Jackets for Darryl Sydor Spore Origins- Spore Origins is a very simple but addictive game
ï»?This can be taken by people who are already obese or overweight to prevent them from developing serious illnesses such as diabetes and hypertension Hence you need to consume adequate nutritional foods so that the need of vitamins[url=http://www.nikecincinnatibengalsshop.com]Authentic A.J. Green Jersey[/url]
proteins and to some extent carbohydrate is met properly They were first used in art during the late Spring and Autumn Period (fifth or sixth century BC)[url=http://www.nikepackersshop.com/aaron-rodgers-nike-jersey]Aaron Rodgers Jersey[/url]
and became much more popular during the Han Dynasty (206 BC - AD 220)[url=http://www.nikesaintsjerseystore.com/mark_ingram_womens_jersey]Mark Ingram Jersey[/url]
when imperial guardian lions started to be placed in front of imperial palaces for protection According to SEPA statistics[url=http://www.authenticnikeColtsshop.com]T.Y. Hilton Jersey[/url]
printing and dyeing enterprise resource consumption per unit of product several times higher than developed countries[url=http://www.nikedolphinsshop.com]Kevin Burnett Youth Jersey[/url]
such as the advanced countries[url=http://www.officialnikePatriotsshop.com]www.officialnikePatriotsshop.com[/url]
water consumption per ton of fiber dyeing about tons[url=http://www.nikepackersshop.com/james-jones-nike-jersey]James Jones Jersey[/url]
while China is generally to tons[url=http://www.officialnikeravensjerseys.com]www.officialnikeravensjerseys.com[/url]
a large number of toxic harmful substances into rivers[url=http://www.officialnikepatriotsjersey.com/nike+brandon+lloyd+womens+jersey]Brandon Lloyd Jersey[/url]
lakes[url=http://www.officialnikeravensshop.com]Terrell Suggs Jersey[/url]
water body pollutionorg 6 Practice with these different throwers and get the speed down before you move to the next one

Anonymous said...

�?It can also increase the passageway of air for better endurancedittoTweet span The same can be said for a lefty[url=http://www.patriotsofficialstoreonline.com/cheap-tavon-wilson-jersey-forsale-c-9_40.html]Tavon Wilson Jersey[/url]
just the other way around“We are proud of the dedication and professionalism that has characterized Dewey & LeBoeuf over many years[url=http://www.vipuggsforsale.com]uggs on sale[/url]
and we intend to bring the same focus to the unfortunate task of closing out our affairs[url=http://www.shopfalconsnfljersey.com/cheap-dunta-robinson-jersey-forsale-c-9_32.html]Dunta Robinson Jersey[/url]
” Dewey & LeBoeuf executive partner Stephen Horvath said in a statement
�?Slew-footing has resulted in concussions[url=http://www.officialnikevikingsjerseyshop.com/cheap-christian-ponder-jersey-forsale-c-9_22.html]Christian Ponder Jersey[/url]
broken bones[url=http://www.shop49ersnfljerseys.com/cheap-ronnie-lott-jersey-forsale-c-9_15.html]Ronnie Lott Jersey[/url]
and serious spine and elbow injuries Moreover[url=http://www.uggsonsaleuggsforsale.com/]www.uggsonsaleuggsforsale.com[/url]
you think of having a yard sale to get some cash out of it He was also a champion of civil rights and fought his country's oppressive military government Remember never to go to your next party on an empty stomach Instead of simply saving file through your browser[url=http://www.patriotsofficialstoreonline.com/cheap-donta-hightower-jersey-forsale-c-9_29.html]Dont'a Hightower Jersey[/url]
Orbit breaks the file into several chunks and downloads them simultaneously making the download far quicker

Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.freewebs.com/trazodone-buy]buy desyrel font
[/url]

Anonymous said...

[url=http://biaxin-buy.webs.com/]generic biaxin online
[/url] clarithromycin online kaufen
clarithromycin online uk
buy clarithromycin online no prescription

Anonymous said...

He that makes a thing too fine, breaks it.
http://www.cheapuggbootsan.com/
http://www.burberryoutletusaxs.com/
http://www.michaelkorsoutletez.com/
http://www.buybeatsbydrdrexa.com/
http://www.cheapfashionshoesam.com/
http://www.burberryoutletxi.com/
http://www.coachfactoryoutletsea.com/
http://www.nflnikejerseysshopxs.com/

Anonymous said...

Meet success like a gentleman and disaster like a man.
http://www.michaelkorsoutletez.com/
http://www.coachfactoryoutletsea.com/
http://www.buybeatsbydrdrexa.com/
http://www.cheapfashionshoesam.com/
http://www.cheapuggbootsan.com/
http://www.nflnikejerseysshopxs.com/
http://www.burberryoutletxi.com/
http://www.burberryoutletusaxs.com/

Anonymous said...

The world is his who enjoys it.
http://www.burberryoutletxi.com/
http://www.coachfactoryoutletsea.com/
http://www.burberryoutletusaxs.com/
http://www.michaelkorsoutletez.com/
http://www.buybeatsbydrdrexa.com/
http://www.cheapuggbootsan.com/
http://www.cheapfashionshoesam.com/
http://www.nflnikejerseysshopxs.com/

Anonymous said...

On life¡¯s earnest battle they only prevail, who daily march onward and never say fail.
http://www.burberryoutletxi.com/
http://www.nflnikejerseysshopxs.com/
http://www.burberryoutletusaxs.com/
http://www.michaelkorsoutletez.com/
http://www.coachfactoryoutletsea.com/
http://www.buybeatsbydrdrexa.com/
http://www.cheapfashionshoesam.com/
http://www.cheapuggbootsan.com/

Anonymous said...

[url=http://casodex-bicalutamide.webs.com/]Bicatin
[/url] Bicalutin
Safedex
Apo-Bicalutamide

Anonymous said...

[url=http://longchampsoldesk.angelfire.com/]sacs longchamps[/url] Right sides together, fold rectangle in half along the center crease. Secure side seams with pins and stitch together with a 5/8 seam allowance, Designer Mulberry Dan Natural Leather Messenger Bag Light Coffee for Men,you'll find designer Mulberry handbags, award- winning customer service. making sure to lock stitches at both ends. Because pinholes will not heal in oilcloth, take care to pin inside the seam allowance so they not visible on the right side of the bag..
[url=http://longchampbagsd.blog.cz/]sacs longchamps[/url] Have you ever wondered what would have happened if you We are a professional online shop that mainly selling different kinds of Mulberry products - Highly Appreciated Mulberry Women's Bayswater Cow Suede Shoulder Black Bag. had stayed in the town you grew up in and not ventured into New York City to start a career? Carrie Bradshaw of "The Carrie Diaries" has yet to move into New York City, when we meet her at the tender age of 16. Staten Island girls who have worked in the city can relate to this premise. In "The Carrie Diaries," we meet Carrie Bradshaw before she met "Big." This is a Carrie who has still to meet Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha.
[url=http://longchampmoinse.zoints.com/blog]sacs longchamps[/url] It can be easier to move away from maternity lines and breast feeding clothes and simply buy and borrow regular clothes in a bigger size. Sale Sconto Mulberry Women's Daria Leather Clutch Black Bag popular sale, Fast Delivery and Buy now can save more Many pregnant women find themselves borrowing their partner's clothes, or buying clothes from the men's sections. There isn't a problem with this for casual wear, after all, who doesn't want to snuggle on the sofa in a cosy men's hoody? But constantly wearing bulky clothes which are far too big will leave you looking and feeling much bigger than you are.. The launch of the first Coco Chanel handbag in 1955 marked the beginning of a fashion revolution. Coco had retired in 1939, and had been written off by most in the industry. Her perfumes could still be bought at Chanel outlets, but she had stopped making any new designs, and had effectively retired from the fashion business.

Anonymous said...

I think, that you commit an error. Let's discuss it. Write to me in PM, we will talk.
I consider, that you have deceived.
Not clearly
You commit an error. Let's discuss it. Write to me in PM.
I congratulate, your idea is brilliant

[url=http://cityadslive.com/blogs/viewstory/90404][b]Cheap NHL Jerseys[/b][/url]
[url=http://www.hiaoc.org/plus/view.php?aid=70775][b]Cheap NHL Jerseys[/b][/url]
[url=http://www.njhsastro.org/talk/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=2994506][b]Cheap NHL Jerseys[/b][/url]
[url=http://discuss.ptygs.com/sc/home.php?mod=space&uid=48582&do=blog&id=197181][b]Cheap NHL Jerseys[/b][/url]
[url=http://likeitordont.com/blogs/viewstory/52471][b]Cheap NHL Jerseys[/b][/url]

Anonymous said...

If drinking water backs up in one drain to a different one, this is due to the line is hooked up. The section of the division range for one gadget might be beyond yet another, but a majority of probable there is also a blockage in the part series hooking up the two products too. This blockage must be cleansed. [url=http://www.ss12w12ws.info]Scan2122344d[/url]

Anonymous said...


Sufficient assist requirement competion area strengthens management to order 3 teams cleared character
On March 27, 2013, sufficient assist each competion area strengthens the armour in exceeding in dispatch requirement management, put forward to asked at 6 o'clock. Among them the 4th special mention a requirementConstant is big, Lu Neng, Person and3 teams are cleared advocate the literal design of the circle in field field. Sufficient assist the announcement is as follows the 4th times: 4, abide by league matches strictly to administer a regulation about business affairs, as league matches develop steadily, the social value of league matches is shown increasingly, safeguarding league matches sponsor to close right increase is the duty of each club, each competion area and obligation. The football regulation of international sufficient couplet sets: "During football game, the representative label of association of international sufficient couplet, each intercontinental sufficient couplet, each member, allied, club or other group or design, no matter be objective or graph article, prohibit appearing on column of net of race site, goal and accessary area, goal and horny banner " . Ask Guangzhou constant the club receives support of the people of Lu Nengtai hill of big, Shandong, Guizhou after this announcement, its advocate the literal design of the circle in field lawn gives cleared. It is actually in a few league matches of European, also some of team imprints team mark in the circumstance on net or horny [url=http://www.epiphanymgmt.com/nikeshoesforkids.aspx]cheap nike shoes for kids[/url] banner, although this is considered as foil team advocate the method of field atmosphere, but be not to accord with international sufficient couplet to set actually, banner of lawn, goal, net, horn is the core part of race site actually, these area are not to allow to be joined of the element outside any field, so sufficient assist character of the group in compelling constant this to wait for a team to keep clear of greatly accords with a regulation. Place of international sufficient couplet allows a club to publicize the utmost of team inside field, it is team can decorate bleachers seat, so we also saw a lot of domestic and international team will advocate the paint of bleachers seat spray of field becomes different color, the character that forms club name abbreviate or a few special design. Sufficient assist this action, partial fan expressed dissatisfaction in small gain in succession, they think one kind this is team culture is reflected, it is the innovation that the club realizes hard, it is the characteristic place of Chinese football. But we also should understand sufficient assist, support this one decision. Sufficient assist the professionalism league matches that asked to reflect us is conforming with the world stage by stage, exceed in in progress. (Sohu sports)(responsibility edits: Happy-go-lucky)

internet stats
Rent DVD Movies