I have been seriously thinking about ditching the internet dating. I resent paying to be snubbed by men I haven't even met. I know men already who are all too happy to snub me for free. Besides so far in this dating malarkey, let's face it, there have not been any success stories. Remember Cravat Man? Pilot Man? Need I go on?
The latest cyberman is intriguing though. Let me introduce you to 'Composer Man'. A self confessed workaholic his photograph shows a fierce looking man with a tousle of dark hair and a large glass of wine. The wine is a good indication surely? The fierce look is a little intimidating but then I decided that it was a good thing that he didn't care that he looked all cross in his photograph. There are too many carefully posed photos of the cybermen out there which is always a little suspicious to my mind. My heart didn't go 'pitter patter' when I saw the photograph but then my heart rarely does that, and if it did I would suspect Angina rather than Love. Also, so far every one of the cybermen that I have met up with has looked like the second cousin to his own photo so they aren't that helpful as a judging aid.
Now I should warn you that composer man is not the world's greatest romantic. In fact he defines the classic repressed Englishman who has no tact and little concept of the effects of his conversation on those around him. Oh, you want proof of this do you? Ok, here goes. Here are just a couple of extracts from some of his e mails to me.
'I have to say I find the Welsh rather an odd bunch' This is always a good start to a blossoming relationship. Tell the welsh girl you think she comes from a nation of odd people!
'Your reply, within the limits of the English language , endears me to you.' Fabulously stilted and rather Georgian somehow. Actually this one got bonus points because he went on to say that I was a girl who 'transcends the ordinary'. So thumbs up for him on this one.
This one is my favourite 'I'm almost getting to like the sound of you.' I'm not sure what you are supposed to say to such an overwhelming compliment. Swoon gracefully away perhaps? The fact that he isn't getting to like me, but is almost getting there. Be still my beating heart. I think I'm having an angina attack....
Instead I took the plunge and suggested that we meet up. He has sent me his number and I have to be brave and ring him. I have no idea what to expect or what to say for that matter. 'Hello, I'm the odd welsh girl you almost like?' doesn't seem like the best opening ever. Any suggestions?
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You have to be kidding me. He actually wrote that stuff? I'm sorry but I think you would be better looking into electronics for company. He sounds like he is full of himself and thinks perhaps you are dimwitted. You are way good for him and he needs to go back to his plastic doll who puts up with his pompus ass.
Oh, I know I shouldn't be so blunt. I'm on my first day without coffee and I'm going nuts.
How's the house?
Well until I saw what Cathy said I was going to say that what you said sounds like an excellent opening! Now I am wondering too, whether you should bother......? But people DO meet people on these sites I am told, and if you can be bothered to give it a go, why not? But don't travel hundreds of miles. Only if he is local. And you tell us all about it!
I will shut up now. I am, after all, hardly an expert on men or dating!
This is hilarious! I think you should call him and say exactly what you've suggested. He might not even notice the humor. Then you should date him pretending you are on a reality TV show and laugh the whole time. Is he rich? He might be sweet if you can get past his social retardation but only if he has money and is fairly generous towards the woman he almost likes.
I can't wait to hear more about this.
Today I almost peed myself because I thought they guy I'd called back had the last name of "douche"!
I would say, ONANIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok - come on people - I need real opening lines here! Give me inspiration (or I'll give you his telephone number and you can ring him and pretend to be me - how's that for an idea???)
Is he at all tongue in cheek?
Openining line: how about "so, I'm the odd welsh girl. You ahve 30 seconds to convince me (within the limits of the English language) why I should consider meeting up with you?"
Scary enough?
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