Line of Lemsip anyone?

Being ill is so DULL. I have spent the last three days constantly feeling terrible or nearly better only to feel terrible again. It is a dantean circle of hell that should be inflicted on all Big Brother contestants for the entire duration of their incarceration. Happily I wasn't ill enough to actually have to watch the wretches frolic in front of the cameras in the hope of Z list celebrity status. Maybe they all have flu and weren't doing any frolicing? I live in hope.....

And another thing - why is it that if you are ill it always at the weekend???? I had plans - ludicrous and highly improbably plans but plans all the same. Now the weekend that I was going to take up sky diving, invent the cure for the cold (would have been useful that one), relandscape my garden using only a plastic trowl and some double sided sticky tape, and invite glamorous people that I don'tknow round for dinner is shot to hell.

I've tried everything to shake this thing off; lots of gin, lots of sleep, hot bath, cold bath, drinking lemsip, downing medicine that horses would sneer at, I am even considering snorting lemsip. And what do I have to show for it? A yellow nose, a cracking hangover and a cold from the constant baths.

So, I have decided to just ignore the bug. I shall crush it into obscurity by snubbing it at every opportunity. That'll teach it a lesson!

As I am on a whingefest could somebody explain what happened to August? I have just cleaned up my third flood this month. Is somebody having a joke? At some point I am going to have to brave the summer weather and abseil off the hillside. I've been living off potatoes and beetroot from the garden and of course, lemsip and the cupboards are nearly bare. The ancient bottle of cherries in brandies that live in my cupboard may finally be at risk of being opened.

I should have an amazing view from my house and yet it is like living in suspended animation here. The whole view is smothered in driving rain and cloud and there is a strong possibility that my small patch of hillside has shaken free of its mooring and is in fact drifting through the upper atmosphere. I daren't drive down my track in case I discover that there is nothing there anymore. I wonder if I get air miles for floating through the stratosphere on my own patch of hillside???