Wednesday, 22 October 2008

Lactose Intolerant Fiends ruining my day.

I am a moonlighter. I can't hide it anymore. I must confess.

In the dark winter months, I have a second job cooking. At the moment I am in the middle of trying to do a menu plan for 2 four course dinners, two cooked breakfasts and lunch. This shouldn't be too problematic. I had the whole thing done in fact. Then I got a phone call. Two of the guests are lactose intolerant.

Damn them. The whole menu has had to be lobbed into the bin and I am now tearing my hair out as every recipe I look at has oodles of cow juice slathered all over it, or cunningly hidden in it. I'm doomed. They'll all have to eat salad, followed by salad, then fruit salad.

Once I have the wretched menu done, and approved, I then have to face the shopping. This isn't something that gives me joy on the best of days, but shopping for the cooking jobs is definitely bottom of my nice things to do list. One of the downsides of life on a mountain in the middle of nowhere is that there is absolutely no emergency shopping option. If I forget something, I won't be able to dash out and pick it up in the non existent 24 hour supermarket. The local Spa's idea of haute cuisine is cooked in a plastic tray in the microwave.

So, once I have done the menu I will have to tackle the shopping list and then spend half a day travelling into good old England to try and find everything. My experience of this? There is never enough Thyme.....


Monika said...

Oh my gosh, I would die if I became lactose intolerant or got diabetes.....i love dairy and sugar and can't imagine life without it!! Good luck with your menu!!! Let us know what you cooked!

bevchen said...

I was going to write you a nice sympathetic comment but then that joke at the end ruined it.
Never enough Thyme. *Groan*

Welsh Girl said...

Bevchen - I'm sorry - I couldn't resist it. It seems to be the week of groan worthy jokes.

Monika - I know! The upside is that it is the worlds healthiest menu, well it was until I snuck a chocolate fudge cake in at teatime that would kill the lactose intolerant fiends, and will put everyone else on a chocolate / dairy high to get them through the weekend!

katyboo1 said...

make them eat amusingly shaped turnips as a punishment.

That'll learn 'em

Loops said...

I betcha they aren't lactose intolerant at all - it seems to be fashionable to have food intolerances these days. I had a similar experience with a client recently. I had arranged lunch and it hadn't occurred to her to let anyone know she was VEGAN! I mean, GOD, how do you feed a vegan?

Welsh Girl said...

Katyboo - I have started carving. Just call me Baldrick.

Loops - Vegan is bad, I'd resign on the spot. Fruitarian is worse - they will only eat what has fallen naturally to the ground - horse pooh maybe?

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