Grilled like a Dover Sole

Three cheers for the bravery of me. I have rung one of the cybermen! Not the pilot or duck fetish man but a brand new one who is apparently frightened of e mail and thinks that 'a phone call is worth a thousand e mails'. Shakespeare would roll in his grave.

So, I promised to call him at 5.00 o'clock and promptly forgot all about it and got distracted. It was only at 6.00 o'clock when the loyal hound started pretending that he was too weak with hunger to make it to the door that I realised what the time was and that I was late for my very first cyber date. Now, having leapt with gay abandon into the deep end of the cyber dating pool I didn't know what to expect from this first phone call business. Had somebody warned me that questionaires would be involved I might have just stuck a toe in and complained that it was a bit chilly and I was going back in. Here are some of the questions I faced:

Cyber man: "What are your hobbies?"
Me: "Errr, umm, Macrame and birdwatching? (never done either but they sound like proper hobbies to me)"
Cyber man: "Do you want children? I want lots and soon"
Me: "Isn't that a little bit forward? We haven't even met yet....."
Cyber man: "Where exactly have you lived?"
Me: "what? a detailed list with addresses and stuff? Why do you care?"
Cyber man: "Do you like lawns. I love mine and find mowing it very relaxing."
Me: "Why? do you want to mow mine? Isn't that a bit random as a follow up question? Are we really talking about lawns or is this all a euphemism and I am too thick to have noticed?"

You get the gist. I feel expertly grilled, Dover sole at a michelin restaurant would have nothing on me. Frighteningly he wants to talk again, he may want to mow my lawn. What have I got myself into. Doctor - help - the Cybermen are here........................